Everything seemed out of place when I got out of the car in front of the tall building that would be my home for the next few years. Along with my luggage, I brought a lot of uncertainty, insecurity, more sadness than joy — all the immaturity and shyness of a small-town teenager, eventual college freshman.
The capital, the Jewish neighborhood with its eclectic air, the ladies chatting in Yiddish in the grocery store, the frenzy of the market on the weekends, the intense traffic during the day and the sirens at night, everything seemed strange in this new scenario with its own rhythm, demanding me to adapt as quickly as possible.
However, from the top of that tower, in my apartment, I could still hear the birds singing in the park very early in the morning or watch the Sun set beyond the river. After all, a faint beauty still pulsed amidst the chaos, and a curiosity too…
So, one day I decided to visit the university’s planetarium, carrying in my heart the secret expectation of a little adventure. A group of people were waiting in the lobby where there was an educational exhibition, which I appropriately pretended to be interested in to disguise my shyness. But when I entered the projection room, I felt like I was in another world, with all those spacious and comfortable armchairs arranged circularly, the large dome at the top and a strange machine imposing itself right in the center.
I settled down in an armchair and the lights went out soon. A brief suspense followed and the strange machine took over the presentation, sending its light beams towards the ceiling. In moments, I found myself involved and captivated by the most beautiful sky I had ever seen. In this cosmic sea, my attention was now led by small lights, while a male voice guided an interstellar tour, conveying surprising information.
The journey through the sky continued when, suddenly, I felt myself moving, as if in a rapid combined rotation of all the seats in the room. I felt dizzy, a slight fear ran through my body, and found my hands gripping the arms of my chair. Embarrassed, I discreetly looked around and realized that the projector had made the movement, creating this illusory sensation in me. So, I surreptitiously composed myself in the chair again and turned my attention back to the sky, which now opened up in a totally different perspective and configuration, and continued to navigate the constellations of our beloved galaxy.
Many years have passed and the memory of this experience in the planetarium continues to return from time to time, not in details, but in its sensations and emotions. I continue to relive it with each new challenge, with each twist in this spiraling life.
I now understand that the sky that enchanted me — and continues to enchant — reflects the multiplicity of my own origin, which I call Family, in its infinite unfoldings. Each movement in this circular dance of time generates a new perspective, new configurations are created, different visions become possible, enriching my life experience with nuances and tones — if I allow myself.
I feel touched by wonder when I realize that Intelligence — Consciousness — rests in every possibility of this infinite sea that is its expression in an indissoluble unity. I just need to open my sensitivity, with clear and sincere intention, for the treasure of each possibility to reveal itself in insights gleaned from the silence and simplicity of contemplation — if I allow myself to.
The spiral is also felt by certain vertigo, the temporary instability of transience that portends new challenges and discoveries. Every turn takes me back to the dark side and the fear that accompanies it. There would be no light without its contrast. There would not be the joy of union in love without the uncertainty and insecurity inherent in the dissolution of a farewell. Accepting and allowing myself to feel the duality of existence does not mean wishing for fear or darkness, but rather, recognizing them and taking responsibility for my self-revelation and my own choices. The choice I have in my hands at this moment triggers the future, as it is what determines the quality and intensity of the contrast to follow. There are no accidents in this sea of Intelligence.
The image of the strange projector in the center of the room, emitting its light beams, in control of the entire spectacle, seems to have been the possible way for that teenager at the beginning of her journey to manifest to herself her own Intelligence to guide her. Far beyond a metaphor, the memory of the planetarium and the context that surrounds it reconfigure themselves from time to time in my life, so that I can never forget the transience in all evolution, look carefully at what I carry in my hands, recognize that I am my own angel guarding my sensitive heart — and above all, allow myself to play.
October, 2023.
Maris. 