My eyes close, and in this internal landscape of mine, the sun announces its arrival with a light that caresses the sky and covers the sea with the gold of countless tiny sequins.
I hear the laughter of the angels as the waves play with the rocks of the bay, and their delicate whispers as the foam advances over the beach sand, an invitation to look at myself in the thin mirror stretched out at my feet.
I surprise my reflection amidst the clouds, in undefined contours and shapes that dissolve in the immensity of the sky. I emotionally recognize that I am this subtle being that shines in the rising sun and looks at me with its penetrating gaze, confiding its knowledge and its magic.
I watch our feet touch each other in the moisture of the sand in an existential continuum, and I realize that I am this subtle and angelic being, and also, the dense and physical being that observes it. We touch and intertwine in unity — two beings creating a reality, two entities evolving in communion. We exist in this moment for each other, experiencing a love that transcends dimensions and worlds, and thus, we become one.
I am the angel who rocks and caresses me, and I am the child who plays and dances in materiality to fall asleep in the moonlight on my angelic lap. I am the mystery of a great love.
If on the one hand I am the divine creation that exists and evolves, co-creating the spiritual kingdom of souls and angels, I am also the manifested divine child, shaped by the elements, that grows and evolves, co-creating this being and this greater consciousness called Gaia.
There is preciousness in every being and I refuse to see my body as a mere shell left behind when I eventually ascend to the heavens at the time of my transition. My dense being continues its journey, dissolving into the elements, eternalizing itself in the evolutionary memory that belongs to him and his mother Gaia.
Even though my physicality is illusory, the dense vibrational being that originates it coexists in this loving dual manifestation of Spirit. In the waves of love and compassion flows my essence called unconditional love that nourishes this coexistence that I am.
In my natural evolution, I continue to manifest realities, circumstances to experience and discover my own reflection — myself — that I recognize when observing. But whenever my sensitivity and vision fade, I feel disconnected or stagnant, disoriented in a universe of dense gazes, without realizing it, I anxiously look for this reflection of myself in others, or even intensely desire for others to complete me and reestablish my lost sense of unity. At that moment, the power of forgotten love rises from my dense shadows, adorns itself with false nobility and disguises itself in a game of mirrors and illusions, generating deep pain for me to wake up.
Loving myself requires sensitivity in my eyes to recognize myself at all times in my incessant transmutations; silence to feel present and free in all my corporeality; and the awareness that I am both, human being and angelic being, dense being and subtle being.
And in the bold breath of this awakening, I dare to recognize myself as a spinner spinning and intertwining my own duality, singing the melody that cradles me and leads me to dance, to spin and spin in the beauty and magic of being dual and one, at the same time, in this truly indescribable mystery that we are used to calling Love.
January 29, 2024.
Maris. 